Michael Bay diarrhea
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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