It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
