I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
