Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
