hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
