how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
