He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
