omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
