oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
