I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
