after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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