turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
