Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
