if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
