Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
