return my video game
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
