Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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