We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
