Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize