a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
