ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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