i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
