this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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