"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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