Welp...herpes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
