Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
