I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
