The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
