I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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