it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
