oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
