Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
