I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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