my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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