do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize