this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
