i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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