it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
