thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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