so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
