That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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