so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
