help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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