I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
