I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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