my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
