I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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