my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
