can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
