I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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