After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
