One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
