There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
