Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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