Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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