after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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