At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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