That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
