(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
