So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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