I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
