i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize