I wish I could punch you in the face.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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