I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
