lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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