im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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