Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
