I bet he comes in French.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
