I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
